Chi Gone Wild, Well, Sort Of
by TFulghum
Summary: Once upon a time there was a boy, and his Chi - and, together, they encounter countless tales of hilarity, embarrassment, and awkwardness.


**Chi Gone Wild **

**Chapter 1**

**AN: At the moment this fanfic is only a one-chapter type of thing. If you guys want me to continue, then you have to leave a review and tell me! This story has HEAVY content slight exaggeration I think. You should be at least SIXTEEN to read this, but if you aren't then that is completely up to you! This is going to have pretty much the same content that the Manga had. If you get offended by this story I am sorry, but it isn't my fault because I warned you about the content!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Chobits, CLAMP does. If I owned Chobits, the rating might've had to be M because of their language and what they talk about!**

Hideko Mototsuwa quickly ran down the streets of Tokyo. He had to get home quickly, Chi had called him and suddenly the phone cut off in the middle of their conversation. Maybe the phone line fell and knocked out the power, he thought, I mean after what had happened two months ago, nobody is crazy enough to even dare to try and kidnap Chi.

He got to his door, shoved the key and pushed it open, "CHI!" he called. He made his way noticed Chi reading a book, or at least trying to. "Chi? What happened? I thought that you were in trouble!"

Chi looked at Hideki closely," Yes. Chi has a problem."

"What?"

She pointed at one of Hideki's magazines, "That girl. She said that she needs help."

"Uh-help with what?" he asked blushing.

"She said she needed help scrubbing-"

Hideki screamed and fell to the floor in embarrassment. Chi looked at Hideki as if he was crazy, but that didn't stop her from doing the same thing.

Hideki left his apartment to go to school. Chi had the house to herself.

Again.

"Hm, what should Chi do today?" Chi asked herself. "I should make Hideki something out of one of his books!"

Chi picked up one of Hideki's "books" and started flipping through the pages. She stopped at a page that was titled "How to Make a Cake to get into the Mood!".

"I shall make him this!" she smiled grabbing some of her money that she had made from the pastry shop and headed out to get the items.

Hideki finished washing table three and decided to begin his break. "I wonder what Chi is doing." he suddenly remembered the events from the night before and soon bent over blushing yet again, "I hope she isn't doing anything perverted…but then again-WAIT! What am I thinking? I mean-"

"Do you always talk to yourself like this?" Hideki's boss asked.

"Um, sometimes."

Mr. Nekoi looked down at Hideki's jeans and noticed a little bump at a "certain area". "HAVE YOU BEEN THINKING DIRTY THOUGHTS LATELY?" he asked loudly slapping his employee's back. "Hideki, Hideki, He is a dirty, dirty boy!" Mr. Nekoi continued to sing this song.

"It's nothing like that!"

"Oh then what is it? Hmm?"

"Well it's Chi."

"What about her? Isn't she your persocom?"

"Yea, but I mean sometimes she just seems like SO much more. And sometimes I just think of doing..well you know…."stuff" with her."

Mr. Nekoi cracked a smile and started laughing. "You mean that you sometimes imagine yourself having sex with Chi?" He patted Hideki on the back. "It's practically as natural as gay marriages. I mean A LOT of people only buy persocoms for that kind of thing!"

"Yea I know but I can't do that kind of stuff!" Hideki sighed.

"Why not?"

Hideki whispered the reason why he could not do the things that a lot of other persocom owners do with their persocoms. Mr. Nekoi quickly turned red. "BACK TO WORK!" Mr. Nekoi walked off leaving Hideki.

Chi picked up some icing for the cake she was going to be making Hideki. She looked at it intensely. She also looked at the owner of the shop and asked him, "Is this the right type of icing for this cake that I am making Hideki?" She also gave the owner the page that had the article on it so he could compare.

The owner of the shop turned red and started to mumble, "Um-well-uh-I think so!" He handed Chi the items and walked off.

Chi continued to read the ingredients, and quickly found them in the store. She walked up to the counter so she could pay for her items.

The owner saw Chi and began to fidget. He quickly rang Chi's items up and smiled as she left. He let out a sigh of relief as she turned the corner of the street, "Well I think that's it for the day."

Chi stared into the oven and waited for the cake to be done.

As Hideki stepped into his apartment after work, he quickly noticed the smell of cake. He made his way across the living room to the kitchen (approximately 15ft.).

"Chi made Hideki cake!" Chi smiled getting ready to pull the cake out of the oven.

"Wow! Chi it smells delicious!" Hideki said. "I can't wait to dig-" He stopped once he noticed what the cake resembled.

"See. Chi made Hideki a 'Get in Mood' cake. It shows a lovely girl on it!"

Hideki turned every shade of red imaginable. He quickly shoved his hands over his 'area' so Chi wouldn't notice what 'Hideki Jr.' thought of the cake. "Not now! Not now!" Hideki cried as he wobbled in the floor in a fetal position.

"Hideki. I knew it. This cake does work. It gets Hideki in mood." Chi smiled.

"Not now!" Hideki repeated again.

Two hours later once the cake was cooled off, Hideki and Chi ate the cake. After his third slice, Hideki set his fork on the plate. "Jhis shish goooov Schi!" He mumbled as he chewed his cake.

"Yes. Good. It gets me in the mood." Chi smiled.

"NOT NOW!" Hideki screamed as he wobbled on the floor.

Suddenly Chi and Hideki froze, and everything was silent. Mr. Nekoi suddenly appeared and pointed at Hideki, "Now boys and girls, when in a situation like this you think of icky thoughts to calm yourself down. Think of prunes. Or, or old people. Now if you suddenly get turned on while thinking of old people, and, or your situation gets worse then you need help!" Mr. Nekoi smiled. "Now if you are enjoying this fanfic please pat yourself on the back! Good. Now do it again! Good. You have just been enslaved by my power of fanfiction for a good twenty seconds. Now give yourself another pat on the back. Good, this is fun! Anyway, back to the birds in the bees children. Well, in Hideki's case it's the boys and the 'coms! I crack myself up. Anyway, the male takes his linguini and he puts pesto sauce on it. The male then puts his linguini into the pasta bowl and you mix up the linguini in the bowl. After you're done cooking, you have a scrumptious meal of pasta!" Mr. Nekoi smiled then stopped as somebody walked up to him with a note card.

Mr. Nekoi read the card and frowned.

The man looked at him and whispered something in his ear.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS ISN'T COOKING WITH NEKOI!" He yelled. "SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT I TOLD ALL OF THESE BOYS AND GIRLS ALL OF THE WRONG INFORMATION ON THE FACTS OF LIFE! I PRETTY MUCH TOLD THEM TO GET THEIR 'THANG' ON!"

The man quickly ran away.

Mr. Nekoi smiled and cooled his temper, "Now children, although I told you that cockameimi-bullshit a minute ago, DON'T LISTEN! You boys, what you need to do is get those rubbery thingys and you don't make 'Linguini'! YOU HEAR ME? YOU JUST DON'T DO IT! YOU STAY ON THE VIRGINAL SIDE, GOT IT? Good!" Mr. Nekoi smiled again, "And that was the birds and the bees with Mr. Nekoi! Have a wonderful day! LINGUINI FREE!"

Mr. Nekoi vanished, and Chi and Hideki unfroze.

Chi looked at Hideki concerned. "Why isn't Hideki wobbling around anymore?"

Hideki looked at her, his face sunken in, mortified. "Old people!"

**THE END, For now!**


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